Muse Rant

Here I find myself again sitting before my dear neglected blog, which only ever really wants to just promote me as an artist. Now before you roll your eyes and cringe over the idea that this may be an apology post, I direct your attention to the title. Yes this will be a rant of thoughts that are pestering my brain box. I know we all love pretty pictures and even video, but for now life dictates that I only have my words to express with. Worry not dear followers, I am doing my best to get back into the studio and yet again resume my consumption of various chemicals through art supplies. Now on to the rant.

As my art career furthers and the day of finding a real job looms ever closer I occasionally sit back and think, trying desperately to find meaning through it all. What is this feeling that drives me to art yet at the same time allows me to lose hours in thought. It is best described as a source of motivation or muse, if you will.

I use to think I was lost as an artist. I was aimlessly creating looking for the theme that would be me. Now in moments of reflection I see that it has always been me with an ever focusing goal. It is an odd feeling to know that you are working towards something that will be the culmination of your being yet have no idea what the hell it is. Every time someone asks me for a general explanation of what it is I do, I am painfully reminded that I still have no idea.

As it is right now, art is my only way of life. I can't see myself surviving without it. It invades all my thoughts and daily life. The people closest to me are based in art as well. So its art or nothing.

The problem arises when you consider the state of the modern world. In many ways it is hostile to the artist way of life. My present niche is much more forgiving than many parts of the world, but I still can't seem to drop the feeling that I will fade away into some menial job. I can't let that happen.