The little things

As of late I have been in a slight creative rut. The ideas continue to overflow, but an overwhelming concern of the larger picture smashes them into submission. Typical artist self doubt I suppose. Can't let such a silly thing get me down. I know I got the talent to make it. In some ways that isn't the point though. My goal isn't to become a renown artist, just a fulfilled one. I dream of the day when my physical work will match my internal expectations. I could quite literally have my dreams come true. Imagine how it must feel to possess such an ability.

On another note Pandora finally moves forward after her long stay in the corner. She still fights me at every turn, but i can't ignore her taunting any longer.

I resolved to turn off my brain and just work. I know where it needs to be, I just need to put in the time and get her there.

Self Portrait 5

I appear to be on the border of genius or disaster, which is the only way to approach a masterwork I suppose.

I sat back not sure what to do next then somewhere in my head a voice said 'lime green oil stick'. Be it madness or my innate creative genius I listened without hesitation. I added a sort of aura around myself with it. There is still a great deal of detail work to be done, but I need to let this creative decision sit for a bit.

Alternatively, I have begin work on a new series which I dub The Untranslated. As I wandered around the internet one day I stumbled upon an article that detailed a list of words in other languages that cannot be directly translated into English. The overall theme has to do with relationships and emotion. Come to think of it this particular approach is bordering dangerously close to illustration. Hmm. Anyways it is still very early in the process...

leopard 2

Ladies and gentleman a painting is almost done! There is a small matter of some detail work and severe scrutinizing, but for all purposes the end is within sight. At least that is what I was thinking this morning then I went to see the Impressionism show. Oh my god there are no words. There was some pieces in there that just made ya think, 'That there is a masterpiece'. They inspired me no doubt, but then I come look at my work and I think, I got a long way to go.

I still enjoy the painting greatly, but it just doesn't have the wow effect. At this point the composition is pretty solid, so I must play up the brushwork more. Really push the power of nature onto the viewer. Remember it Romantic with a capital R that matters.

Self Portrait 4

Here is one of those massive updates that I promised you. Overall everything is coming along nicely. It is already a good painting. Now I just need to bite the bullet and make it a great painting. It's a bit unnerving being on the brink of good and great. I know I have the talent and knowledge to do it, it's just a matter of action. Despite this I am going to take a day to read and instill upon myself the supreme confidence this painting deserves. I also believe a bit of soul searching is needed to make this a true self portrait, what subtle visual cues can I add to make it really me.

Slight distortion from the camera, but no matter. The figure is firmly grounded in an environment and compositionally sound. Now for the detail work, oh how i loath thee. Adjustments need to be made for nearly the entire piece. Highlights, shadows, imperfections, edges, all that stuff. So yea guess who is thinking about starting a new painting rather than finishing this one.

Obsession of the form

I am still working away everyday, but I have forgotten my camera consistently the last few days, so for today I present to you another rant and tomorrow the massive update of my work. This rant is something I reclaimed from an old sketchbook so my apologies if its a bit disjointed, but yea thats how my mind works. On to the rant then.

In general people possess innate desires. To achieve a happy life it is necessary to identify these desires and work towards them.
What if they are weird or unethical?
In such an instance society forces the individual to adapt and suppress. Society is inherently restrictive of human chaos for the benefit of the whole.
Censorship-separate issue.

My desire is not unethical, simply not accessible 100% of the time. I desire the feminine form, the body, the curves. For the longest time I assumed this was a primitive sexually charged desire, but no, not solely. As a healthy young male that desire exists, there is no doubt, but that is only an amplification of the source. I truly desire the experience of the form. The subtleties of touch. It is something I have yet to fully understand or satisfy. I believe my answer lies within the realm of the artist. It is one of my strongest motivators.
A pleasant extension of this desire is the connection to the mind. Selfish enjoyment of the physical form is significant yes, but it pales in comparison to the mind. A reciprocal  understanding. Not that superficial wanting, no. The words themselves mean nothing. I need an honest return.
Could this be love?
In part yes, but not entirely. Love is much grander. For now I speak on much more raw terms. I want that carnal base enjoyment. My experience is the only proof I can really trust and understand.
How do you project such a powerful and complex feeling?

Breaking down the issue. What of the body without the conscious mind. That is the everyday. That is what I am weaned on. The random form that catches my eye and holds my attention. To indulge these brief temptations isn't exactly ethical, voyeurism. Because of societal norms I comply. This is why people commit to a relationship. Mutual obsession. Consensual experience. The stage of infatuation.

Defined:
Running fingertips down the curve of the back and across the hips
The play between shadows and light 
The gentle stretch of fabric  
Unconscious and entangled

It is an appreciation that boarders on worship. I worship the utter perfection that is so natural. I don't need any of these artificial enhancements. I run my hand through her hair and get lost in her eyes.
How can I convey this sincere appreciation to my viewer?
Create the experience. Is it possible?
This is all a skewed over-romanticized version of what really is. I am over-romanticized cause it is much more appealing than the real world.