Wrench in the system

Same story different day. I won't bore you with the details. The bottom line is that I am not producing. That is not to say I am not working. Oh no, not at all. Painting never leaves my conscious mind, bordering on obsession some days, but that is what an artist must face. The constant battle against one self.

I am deeming Pinky officially abandon and the Pandora series is facing execution. I spent the better part of my day contemplating all sorts of drastic actions from ripping the canvas off the stretcher to adding obscene amounts of paint thinner, none of the friendly mineral spirits either. I'm talking about coma inducing varsol. I can't tell you what happened. The Pandora series is just drained of all the passion and pleasure. Her fate is yet to be determined for now. 

As for Pinky, she behaved and accomplished all that I had hoped. I learned some things and had fun, exactly how a painting should be. Now I ask myself why a study is acting like a painting and the painting is acting like a spoiled brat. Maybe I should just take the cue and realize I am not one for detail ultra planned work.

On that I will start work on a new piece soon and possibly finish my self portrait. There will also be a brief interruption of real work for a holiday piece that is way over due. As it is all planned and well underway I estimate 2 good work days will get me home.

Potrait study: pinky

Today I'm claiming that my muse told me to stop painting serious stuff and do some studies to work on my technique. In response I have dug out several small wood panels, 12" x 16", and I plan to paint all kinds of portrait studies. The first one out of the gate is just an old reference photo I had laying around.

The technical challenge in this one arises from the unnatural hair color and the full figure shadow. Typically my subjects are well lit and can use some pure colors, with this one everything has to be mixed and toned down. I suddenly realize all the subtleties of grey. (Which is in no way a reference to that terrible novel) Overall the skin tone is far from what I want it to be. Presently it looks as if she has a darker skin tone rather than a light skin tone in shadow. I imagine this could be better achieved through glazing, but I continue to fail at producing a proper glaze. I'm going to try out this new recipe for medium that I got from my friend.

On a more positive note the form is starting to look rounded. If this turns out well I plan to hang it in my bedroom and class that place up some. Nude females are classy right?

Pandora #4

Slowly but surely Pandora trucks onwards. I deemed myself to exhibit some constraint and complete them one at a time. The first one to experience completion shall be the second composition because it possesses the most actions and seems to be holding my attention the best.

I'm beginning to notice a discrepancy in style, most likely due to the prolonged break I took. I'm hoping this will be corrected as I narrow my focus and start to detail the piece. All of the major compositional elements have now found there place so I need to take the next scary step and start working everything together. I plan to obscure the figure slightly with the 'tails' of the heads. This should hold the composition together better and give it some depth.
I also need to kick up the spiritual natural of the heads to make them appear closer to the concepts they represent rather than be flying heads. It has been said that this piece has a comic book feel to it. I'm not sure how I feel about that so I'll let it be for now.

The little things

As of late I have been in a slight creative rut. The ideas continue to overflow, but an overwhelming concern of the larger picture smashes them into submission. Typical artist self doubt I suppose. Can't let such a silly thing get me down. I know I got the talent to make it. In some ways that isn't the point though. My goal isn't to become a renown artist, just a fulfilled one. I dream of the day when my physical work will match my internal expectations. I could quite literally have my dreams come true. Imagine how it must feel to possess such an ability.

On another note Pandora finally moves forward after her long stay in the corner. She still fights me at every turn, but i can't ignore her taunting any longer.

I resolved to turn off my brain and just work. I know where it needs to be, I just need to put in the time and get her there.

Self Portrait 5

I appear to be on the border of genius or disaster, which is the only way to approach a masterwork I suppose.

I sat back not sure what to do next then somewhere in my head a voice said 'lime green oil stick'. Be it madness or my innate creative genius I listened without hesitation. I added a sort of aura around myself with it. There is still a great deal of detail work to be done, but I need to let this creative decision sit for a bit.

Alternatively, I have begin work on a new series which I dub The Untranslated. As I wandered around the internet one day I stumbled upon an article that detailed a list of words in other languages that cannot be directly translated into English. The overall theme has to do with relationships and emotion. Come to think of it this particular approach is bordering dangerously close to illustration. Hmm. Anyways it is still very early in the process...

leopard 2

Ladies and gentleman a painting is almost done! There is a small matter of some detail work and severe scrutinizing, but for all purposes the end is within sight. At least that is what I was thinking this morning then I went to see the Impressionism show. Oh my god there are no words. There was some pieces in there that just made ya think, 'That there is a masterpiece'. They inspired me no doubt, but then I come look at my work and I think, I got a long way to go.

I still enjoy the painting greatly, but it just doesn't have the wow effect. At this point the composition is pretty solid, so I must play up the brushwork more. Really push the power of nature onto the viewer. Remember it Romantic with a capital R that matters.

Self Portrait 4

Here is one of those massive updates that I promised you. Overall everything is coming along nicely. It is already a good painting. Now I just need to bite the bullet and make it a great painting. It's a bit unnerving being on the brink of good and great. I know I have the talent and knowledge to do it, it's just a matter of action. Despite this I am going to take a day to read and instill upon myself the supreme confidence this painting deserves. I also believe a bit of soul searching is needed to make this a true self portrait, what subtle visual cues can I add to make it really me.

Slight distortion from the camera, but no matter. The figure is firmly grounded in an environment and compositionally sound. Now for the detail work, oh how i loath thee. Adjustments need to be made for nearly the entire piece. Highlights, shadows, imperfections, edges, all that stuff. So yea guess who is thinking about starting a new painting rather than finishing this one.

Obsession of the form

I am still working away everyday, but I have forgotten my camera consistently the last few days, so for today I present to you another rant and tomorrow the massive update of my work. This rant is something I reclaimed from an old sketchbook so my apologies if its a bit disjointed, but yea thats how my mind works. On to the rant then.

In general people possess innate desires. To achieve a happy life it is necessary to identify these desires and work towards them.
What if they are weird or unethical?
In such an instance society forces the individual to adapt and suppress. Society is inherently restrictive of human chaos for the benefit of the whole.
Censorship-separate issue.

My desire is not unethical, simply not accessible 100% of the time. I desire the feminine form, the body, the curves. For the longest time I assumed this was a primitive sexually charged desire, but no, not solely. As a healthy young male that desire exists, there is no doubt, but that is only an amplification of the source. I truly desire the experience of the form. The subtleties of touch. It is something I have yet to fully understand or satisfy. I believe my answer lies within the realm of the artist. It is one of my strongest motivators.
A pleasant extension of this desire is the connection to the mind. Selfish enjoyment of the physical form is significant yes, but it pales in comparison to the mind. A reciprocal  understanding. Not that superficial wanting, no. The words themselves mean nothing. I need an honest return.
Could this be love?
In part yes, but not entirely. Love is much grander. For now I speak on much more raw terms. I want that carnal base enjoyment. My experience is the only proof I can really trust and understand.
How do you project such a powerful and complex feeling?

Breaking down the issue. What of the body without the conscious mind. That is the everyday. That is what I am weaned on. The random form that catches my eye and holds my attention. To indulge these brief temptations isn't exactly ethical, voyeurism. Because of societal norms I comply. This is why people commit to a relationship. Mutual obsession. Consensual experience. The stage of infatuation.

Defined:
Running fingertips down the curve of the back and across the hips
The play between shadows and light 
The gentle stretch of fabric  
Unconscious and entangled

It is an appreciation that boarders on worship. I worship the utter perfection that is so natural. I don't need any of these artificial enhancements. I run my hand through her hair and get lost in her eyes.
How can I convey this sincere appreciation to my viewer?
Create the experience. Is it possible?
This is all a skewed over-romanticized version of what really is. I am over-romanticized cause it is much more appealing than the real world.

Leopard Commision

It has come to my attention that I had long ago promised to complete a painting of a leopard for a close friend of mine. Fear not my adoring public, I have not lost steam with my self portrait. One simply needs to acknowledge the value of maintaining friendships and connections, for it is those that are most important, especially in the art world. As it is a straight living room piece made for aesthetic value, I don't foresee this piece consuming too much of my time. That said I will still approach it with the same vigor and dedication that I do all my work. If anything I should put more work into this one since it will go out into the world and be a face of my work.

I messed around with various compositions and finally fell upon this one. I took inspiration from the Romantic era, my favorite =3. At the moment I have only partly developed the tree trunk that will dominate the picture plan because it was just so seductive as a subject. The colors and texture begged me to paint it. I will start work on the leopards during my next session.

Self Portrait 3

The work continues, but it is too slow for my liking. I must seize this moment of inspiration and light a fire under my brush. This is always a weird stage in painting for me. There is so much work to be done and I can see the final piece peeking out. I find myself too often just staring at the piece reassuring myself that the composition is sound and a beautiful painting is emerging. I am a bit afraid to continue for fear I will ruin it and push away any potential genius.

Despite this I enjoy this in between moment. Someday when I have a more masterful control of my technique I want to create a piece that makes full use of all the painterly texture. The dripping solvent, the thick brushwork, the bold color patches, a painter's wet dream so to speak.

 At the moment everything seems to be playing nice still, unlike Pandora who is still sitting in the corner. There are some glaring proportional issues with the arm and hand, but that is not worth the worry it will be fixed in the next hour of work.

Self portrait 2

I feel good about this one. I'm not quite sure what it is, but everything is going good. Now I just need to stay on task and make sure it doesn't run away from me. My professor told me to make sure I maintain the relationship between the foreground and the background or the composition could quickly degrade.

.

I'm pleased to see that this familiar subject was really easy to get. Maybe I'm more vain than I thought. More tomorrow

Self Portrait: Twenty Five

My Pandora series continues to misbehave so I put it in the corner for now till it decides to play nice. In the mean time I have begun work on a self portrait. It has been a while since I made one so I am definitely due for one. Also I have the feeling it will be a pleasant milestone for later in life when my body has deteriorated and my fame is overpowering.

This is one of those pieces where I am working on pure inspiration which is a really awesome cycle. I feel the need to create without any research backing the work. I have no idea where this composition came from, all I know is that I need to paint myself as some sort of general overlooking his battle plans. I threw on a face vest, set up my camera and away I go. I plan to put something on the table edge, but not sure what it will be. Proportions look a bit odd, but I was good and used a grid so I'm just gonna say foreshortening is messing with me again and ignore it.

Pandora #2

I have been working hard to maintain my manic pace of work, but the other day I hit a conceptual wall. I was painting away progressing nicely when I stood back and realized I made a wrong turn. Everything looked completely wrong all of a sudden. Painting is sneaky like that. I did my best to fight and work my way out of it. They were not hearing any of that though. After a few hours of thought I decided that I lacked the substance behind the paintings. I was so excited to get back into my work I forgot what it means to properly research. If you go into a piece with an empty mind, its going to show. On that note I got some reading to do, but here is where I am right now.

Pandora Series

Glorious day! I has finally organized my life and will now be painting every, health and social life permitting. To kick off my return to painting I have started work on a series based upon the myth of Pandora's box. I believe it ties in well with the direction I am taking in painting and gives me a reason to paint my friend Christine.

Without further adieu I present the initial stages of each piece in the series.

Composition 1

The figure will be a prominent element in each composition because it is through her that the story unravels. For this series I want to try and place heavy emphasis on the emotional condition of Pandora. Conceptually I'm claiming to draw from Vermeer. I want to try and create private little moments and encourage the viewer to explore the scene with their eyes, of course this means I'm going to have to figure out how to create a believable scene.

Composition 2

This one will be more active than the other two so I have to be careful not to over do it and make it overwhelming. The bad stuff that Pandora let of the box will be represented by disembodied heads. In order to keep the focus on Pandora they will be slightly smaller than her head and less saturated.

Composition 3

 I am also doing my very best to ignore my typical ADD painting style and focus on one element at a time, in this case it is the face. Everything else in the composition will be built up from the face.

Willow Sculpture

For one of my last projects in Finland I got the opportunity to work at a nature research center. I had no idea what to expect, but by this point I was already way outside my comfort zone. Upon arrival we were told that while we were working we had to wear a heart monitor. Immediately I thought weird....but ok. They wanted to track how the art practice affected our stress levels. Clearly this was shaping up to be quite the peace and love mother nature type project.

The point of this project was to work with local resources and alter the natural landscape. At this point I was a little skeptical. The project leader then went through her presentation of what was possible and changed my mind. We were to work with rocks, sticks and dirt to create a scuplture. I knew right away that I wanted to create a stand alone woven willow sculpture. I had never worked with the material before so planning was a bit vague. I prefer the trial and error method when working with something knew. The happy accidents are always so much better than the planned outline.

We threw a few ideas around, but nothing really grabbed my attention. The group leader then suggested we build a waterwheel as tribute to the one that once stood there. I thought that shape was a good combination of interest and skill. Overall it was a great experience and I'm happy with the result. I hope that it is solid enough to withstand the elements and curious tourists. The manager of the research center said that he would keep it for as long as it was safe. I will have to check on it sometime.

Kaamos ON/OFF

This was a massive project involving around 70 people. We all worked together at a manic pace to get this ready in time for the opening and some of us were working right up until the last hour. We knew it was an ambitious project from the start, but sometimes you just need a challenge.

We rented a small parking lot complex and spent most of the first two days filling it with snow and ice. This was definitely the hardest part of the whole project. Everyone needed the raw materials to begin working and it felt really weird to be working so hard to move snow that was literally surrounding us and raining down from the sky.

In order for everything to be ready on time we divided the complex into sections and I manged to make it on to the team that was responsible for designing one of the entrance ice domes. A hemisphere balloon with a 6 meter radius was covered with a thick layer of ice then deflated to create the working space. It was a simple yet effective solution.

Unlike previous projects in Finland, there was no heavy sponsorship to cater to so we could do whatever we wanted. I knew right away that I wanted to push boundaries and try something new. After much discussion we decided to make fabric sculptures that would be frozen in space. We thought it would be interesting if we could shape the fabric into a free standing spiral structure. A local artist donated some fabric for us to work with. However long story short, it wasn't meant to be.

 

 

As you can tell the sculptures lack any sort of aesthetic appeal and structural integrity. Personally, I was crushed. I still think there is something to this method, but I will have to work on it at a later date. So on the last work day we changed our design entirely and the race to the end began. The first thing we did was switch out the spiral fabric for ice.

This changed solved two problems. It gave us a place to hide our light sources and was much better than their fabric counterparts in every way. We didn't want to abandon the fabric completely so we reformed it into a forest structure.

This redesign helped to emphasize the printed image much better and gave a nod to the famous Finnish landscape. We then hid some speakers behind our fabric forest to further create an encompassing experience for the viewer. We created a series of atmospheric noises by distorting sounds from a xylophone and walking through snow. An unexpected bonus from our sound installation is that the bass noises reverberated throughout the entire complex.

Show time arrived, everything was in place, and it looked fantastic. It really was something that could only be experienced in person. The sound, lighting, and visuals all combined to create a unique experience. Unfortunately, spring came and it survives only through pictures and memories now.

Kaamos ON/OFF Fashion show

One day in Finland I was wandering around the University when a poster caught my eye. It was advertizing an upcoming modelling show that would be held for Rovaniemi Design week. At that point I was already building a snow castle/installation for design week so I thought, why not model in front of my own art. Long story short the Finns agreed that I was sexy and I got to model a contemporary ice sculptor outfit.

The apron was made of highly reflective and durable material with ergonomically placed pockets. The boots were rated for -50 C and they were about the only part of me that was warm. It was around -15 C at the time and I was outside for about 20 minutes. It was cold. Some of the girls had it much worse than me though. At least I didn't have to wear 5 inch heels and walk on ice.

Muse Rant

Here I find myself again sitting before my dear neglected blog, which only ever really wants to just promote me as an artist. Now before you roll your eyes and cringe over the idea that this may be an apology post, I direct your attention to the title. Yes this will be a rant of thoughts that are pestering my brain box. I know we all love pretty pictures and even video, but for now life dictates that I only have my words to express with. Worry not dear followers, I am doing my best to get back into the studio and yet again resume my consumption of various chemicals through art supplies. Now on to the rant.

As my art career furthers and the day of finding a real job looms ever closer I occasionally sit back and think, trying desperately to find meaning through it all. What is this feeling that drives me to art yet at the same time allows me to lose hours in thought. It is best described as a source of motivation or muse, if you will.

I use to think I was lost as an artist. I was aimlessly creating looking for the theme that would be me. Now in moments of reflection I see that it has always been me with an ever focusing goal. It is an odd feeling to know that you are working towards something that will be the culmination of your being yet have no idea what the hell it is. Every time someone asks me for a general explanation of what it is I do, I am painfully reminded that I still have no idea.

As it is right now, art is my only way of life. I can't see myself surviving without it. It invades all my thoughts and daily life. The people closest to me are based in art as well. So its art or nothing.

The problem arises when you consider the state of the modern world. In many ways it is hostile to the artist way of life. My present niche is much more forgiving than many parts of the world, but I still can't seem to drop the feeling that I will fade away into some menial job. I can't let that happen.

Ice Sculpture

One of my first workshops in Finland was ice sculpture. As a whole the experience was great, but much of the process drove me crazy. We were bound by corporate sponsorship so right from the start we had stunted creative freedom. Add to that the thrill of working with a new material and I was off balance pretty much the whole time.

The first workday arrived and we received our material. Due to an exceptionally late winter all the ice was man made instead of bits from the lake. What this translate to is ice that is foggier and shaped funny. We had to adjust all of our measurements and reshape several blocks.Fortunately ice is a surprisingly easy material to work with and we made quick work of the set back.

Our sponsor was a local bank so we decided to make to an exaggerated safe. I was feeling a bit steampunk at the time so I was really excited to carved a whole bunch of random gears and machinery parts. Our initial design detailed a safe that was 2 meters high and offered the possibility for people to poke their head inside. As with all public work, safety had to be considered so a down scale was necessary. To compensate for the extra blocks of ice one of my teammates suggested we make a herd of children's banks to accompany the adult bank. Naturally I thought they meant the common piggy banks, however in Finland for whatever reason piggy banks are hippo banks. So we got to work on making an army of hippos surrounding a larger safe box.In the above picture you can see our first prototype. To emphasis the Finnish aspect of the work even further one girl thought it would be nice to fill one hippo bank with Finnish berries.

The finished work was lit from within the safe box and the under the leading berry hippo bank. Due to time constraints, I did not achieve the level of detail I was hoping for, but it was a successful project none the less. I discovered that I really enjoyed working with ice. It allows me to indulge my desire for large scale sculpture without the consequence of what to do with it after. Ice melts and there is not much you can do about that, but for at least a little while it was shaped into meaning something a bit more.

LumiLinna / Kemi Snow Castle

Another day, another workshop in Finland. This time around I got the opportunity to design a room in a snow castle. This workshop was an interesting one because it played out like what I imagine professional commission based sculpture would. First we met with the creative director and submitted our proposal design. He requested we build on the idea of a ski hill. Then he rejected said design based on the fact that he changed his mind about the theme. Fine, we made another design, but that also got rejected because another group had laid claim to the idea. This would be all well and fun if he had did so in a timely manner, however we only received feedback on our 2nd design the day we were suppose to start sculpting. In a rush we brainstormed and constructed a 3rd design and that is the one we brought to reality.

Above you will find the details of the 3 walls. The 4th wall with the door was left blank because the snow tends to shift around on that one and we thought it would be too busy to have all 4 walls carved. The end of this workshop was a bittersweet victory. Everything turned out really good and even the indecisive manager thought we did a good job. I was mostly responsible for carving the hand and as you can see much of the detail had been lost as a result of the lighting. I am also not entirely happy with the bowling theme, but we had little choice and time to argue. I suppose it enforces the idea that a majority of art making is problem solving.